Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
