I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
