people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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