My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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