went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
