he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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