Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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