Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
