BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
