i think my tv is drunk
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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