she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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