Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
