I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
