3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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