She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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