weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
