the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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