Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
