I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I've blown a few things in my day
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
