If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
