break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
