Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
