so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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