East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
