i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She said her name was "party"
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
