Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
