I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
