there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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