I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
