Just cropdusted the office
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
