This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
