"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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