Will you blow on my dice?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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