Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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