hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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