Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
