I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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