i think my tv is drunk
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
