I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
