The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
