I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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