I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
