We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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