i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
