I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
