Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
