You can't motorboat a personality
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
