just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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