Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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