i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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