I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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