I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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