would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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