he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
